The Worry Cycle

Your dominoes don't actually go in a straight line. The consequence domino repeatedly seems to move from the end of the line and convert itself to the life domino which once more topples your thinking domino. When this happens your life becomes controlled by a circle of dominoes. Being stuck in this cycle is like being stuck in a sticky spider web from which it is impossible to struggle free.

The Worry Cycle Diagram shows what it is like to constantly run around and around in circles. This diagram is entitled the Worry Cycle because when the circle is well established, you feel like you are being controlled by outside forces.

Some improvement programs, including some professional therapies, merely focus on changing only one of these elements of the cycle. More current approaches have shown that this is often not sufficient. Alcoholics Anonymous, for example, has perceived that merely getting a drunk to be sober is not enough. This is only the first step in recovery. The second is to learn how to live. Cognitive therapy has currently become the best follow-up procedure for getting people to break the underlying causes of their addictions.

Willpower is also not enough. Just the plain fact of your reading this material means that you probably have enough will power. What you lack are the skills to change each of the four pieces holding the Worry Cycle together: Thought, Emotions. Stress, Behavior.

You will notice from the Worry Cycle diagram that worry is the balance point from external events to internal events. It is also the second domino in the series and the first one you really have any control over.

Worry is Universal
Worry is another global human experience in addition to the quest for Happiness. Worry is a very democratic process because it affects all groups of people in all walks of life. Worry is one of the most common human tendencies; every person has at one time or another worried about something.

Most of the problems you have struggled with in your life may be related to the amount of time you have spent worrying. It is likely that worry has been with us since people have been able to think and yet it is probably one of the most common human activities while at the same time one of the most useless.

What is Worry?
Worry is distorted thinking. Cognitive therapists point out four levels of thinking: perceptions, interpretations, predictions, and beliefs. Distortions can occur at any of these levels. The first level deals with how you perceive the raw data of your existence. It concerns itself with your impressions of specific situations, events, and all the things around you.

These perceptions are derived from your five senses. Since your brain is not a perfect machine, these perceptions can be distorted. These misrepresentations can be influenced by memories of past experiences. It feels as if your mind is playing tricks on you.

The second level of worry can occur when your brain is dealing with interpretations of these perceived events. Psychologists often call this level of thinking by a variety of names: automatic thinking, silent assumptions, or conditional beliefs. These assumptions tend to be tentative in nature. It is often difficult to be completely aware of the interpretations you make. With a little bit of effort your interpretations will become more apparent to you.

Predictions, the third level, often take the form of "if ..., then ..." One of my clients would constantly make predictions about his anxiety by saying, "If my anxiety becomes too strong, then I will die from a heart attack." When he was eventually able to test out this prediction he found it to be completely groundless.

When perceptions, interpretations, and predictions become repetitive over an extended period of time, they often get converted to belief systems. Distorted beliefs are the most basic of all types of worry, the most pervasive, the most powerful and the most difficult to change. These distorted beliefs tend to be experienced as absolute convictions about life: about yourself, about others or about the relationship between the two. These beliefs can then double back on you and further affect the accuracy of your perceptions, interpretations, and predictions.

For you to adequately learn the four skills – cognitive restructuring, emotional supervision, stress management, behavior control -- you will need to set aside time each day for reading and learning, you may have to cut back on other activities which are currently in your life but are not as important as learning skills for breaking the Worry Cycle. You will need to commit yourself to working on these techniques even though they may appear difficult and tedious.

The major tool you have at your disposal is repetition. You need to keep repeating your new skills until you have it mastered them. How long this takes is really unimportant. If you need to spend more time learning these skills than some other person, that is okay. Please don't compare your rate of progress with anyone else — either real or imagined.

Self help may seem impossible for you if your experience in learning has been a negative one. You need not fear learning, even though in the past you may have had a bad experience with it. All people are capable of learning. Scientists have shown over and over again that even severely developmentally disabled individuals are capable of learning very complicated tasks. It is just that we all learn at different rates of speed and in different ways. The quickness with which you learn has nothing to do with your final success in this program.

If you would like to leave a comment, click on the comments link below

For an index of all blogs, go to Blog Index

Are You Worried Yet?

"Worry is like a rocking chair--it gives you something to do but it doesn't get you anywhere."

Worry is big news. The most pressing worry is the current state of the economy. People are cutting back on things they normally do that costs money. My hometown newspaper and TV news channels are constantly bombarding us with dire information on the worst economic downturn in eighty years. Talking heads are all over the media.

People are mulling over financial questions. How are we going to pay for our health insurance? Will I lose my job? And if so, will I be able to find another one? How can I afford to send my kids to college? Will the banks lose my savings? Why am I making less money and the oil companies are making more money? What's going to happen with my mortgage?

These questions are not from the few but the many. Try reading the front page of the newspaper or watch the evening news and not find something to worry about. Worry seems to have become a way of life. Google the word "worry" and be prepared to look at 177 million articles. Here are just a few of the things people worry about:

• Tourists are worried about traveling to dangerous parts of the world.
• Families are worried about the safety of their loved ones serving in the military.
• A few Christians are worried about stem cell research and gay marriage.
• Some people worry the Switzerland particle accelerator will produce microscopic black holes that will destroy the earth.
• Nearly everyone is worried about politics.
• Parents in Chattanooga are worried about a Christian commune set up near the University of Tennessee-Chattanooga.
• Baby boomers are worried about getting older.
• Scientists are worried about global warming.
• Parents are worried about school violence.

The problem with worrying is that it generates highly destructive and unhealthy emotions. As you may know, modern psychology has taught us that our thoughts lead to specific emotions. What we think determines what we feel. Worry can make us go through such gut-wrenching emotions as anxiety, guilt and depression, to name a few.

We know that women worry more than men. There are several reasons for this. The culture encourages women to worry and tells them that worry is an indication that women are kind and caring. Science has recently discovered that another reason women worry more is that, more than men, they believe that past experiences accurately forecast the future.

Yet, we have been told that worry is bad for us and that we should not worry so much. The problem is to find an alternative. What does "not worry" look like? The human race uses many ways to cope with worry. Some people use worry beads. Inspirational books and magazines are designed to help people with their worries. Guatemalan children tell their worries to dolls and place them under their pillows. Advice such as, "Don't worry, be happy" is everywhere. Religious people pray. Distracting ourselves by finding something to "cheer us up" is also a common method for combating worry.

The best way to cope with worry is to replace it with concern. You may want to browse through the archives on this blog to see how destructive worry can be in your life and what you can do about it. Especially check out our previous article on Worry. If you are interested in what to do about worry and how to change it to a more healthy concern, you can check out The Worry Free Life book and The Worry Free Life website.

You may want to learn how to change from worry to concern. There is nothing to worry about; there is plenty to be concerned about.

If you would like to leave a comment, click on the comments link below

For an index of all blogs, go to Blog Index

The Domino Effect

As we mentioned in our previous article on happiness, everybody wants to be happy. The pursuit of happiness is a right guaranteed in the constitution. But most people don't realize that there are two kinds of happiness: Happiness (with a capital H) and happiness (with a small h).

Happiness (big H) is something that runs very deep and is quite profound and long lasting; much more than its cousin, happiness (little h). Real Happiness goes by many names: tranquility, inner peace, serenity. Many other words also come to mind: calm, placidity, quiet, stillness, composure, poise, equanimity, repose, harmony, and peacefulness.

Unfortunately, people keep fooling themselves into thinking that happiness is merely feeling good. Not that feeling good is wrong or bad. It just don't happen to be the same thing as the big H. Little h happiness occurs when we can get rid of pain and suffering. Big H happiness is not the absence of conflict or pain, but rather the ability to cope with both.

B-E-S-T
Happiness is not a goal in life but is rather a by-product of something else. That something else is self control. Perhaps a good way to understand self control is in the sense of self management. Rather than let your life run you, you need to learn the skills to manage (control) your life so that you can experience it the way you want it. By controlling four specific components of your life, you can find your pathway to Happiness. These four parts are what comprise human nature. The more you can control each of these elements, the closer you are to the big H.

This is different from New Age beliefs that promise you the ability to "feel good" no matter what is happening to you. Happiness (with the big "H") doesn't rule out suffering, pain and emotional distress. What it does give you is the ability to cope during such times. It gives you the self confidence that no matter what happens, you will eventually make it through and be a stronger person for it.

These four keys to Happiness are not independent of one another. They constantly interact with and affect each other. The chain reaction that is seen with dominoes is a good way to understand your life. Imagine a set of 5 dominoes where each one represents an important aspect of control. The diagram to the left shows what this might look like.

The first domino represents everything outside of you that triggers off the second domino. This could include weather, people, health, work and any other event that you encounter in your life.

The second domino stands for your thought life. Feelings (emotions and sensations) are the third domino and the fourth is your behavior domino.

The last domino stands for any consequences that happen in the outside world as the result of your behavior. You need to know that these dominoes never change position.

The Big H type happiness occurs when all the dominoes are standing. This is difficult because the first domino, life, has a tendency to keep falling on you (did you notice the round bottom?). So many things can go wrong in life. Yet, we try to keep the dominoes standing by attempting to control the first domino. This is not possible because you have no control over life events.

No matter how hard you try to keep the life domino from falling, it will eventually fall. Every time you set the first domino up it falls again. Then all the other dominoes fall. The trick is to spend less time trying to straighten out life.

You can have the Big H when you have learned to make the second domino immovable. You want to learn how to mentally superglue the second domino to the tabletop. When you can do this by changing your thought life, then you will have Happiness because the rest of the dominoes will remain standing.

In addition to managing your thought life, you also want to learn how to manage your emotions, sensations and behavior. In The Worry Free Life, we show you, step by step how to learn these new skills and apply them to your life.

Cognitive therapy has been one of the most exciting developments in mental health in this century. By discovering that emotions are produced by thinking, psychologists have given the human race a means of finally doing something about such crippling infirmities as depression and guilt.

If you would like to begin a dialogue on the dominoes feel free to click on the comments link below.

If you would like to leave a comment, click on the comments link below

For an index of all blogs, go to Blog Index

Panic Attacks, Part 2

If you missed Part 1, you can see it here: Panic Attacks, Part 1

If you have been told by your physician that your panic attacks are not the result of a biological condition, then you can concentrate on learning the skills needed to minimize your panic attacks. When psychologists first began working with panic attacks, our goal was to help you totally eliminate panic attacks. We eventually found this goal unworkable and unnecessary. The problem was that too much pressure existed to "never ever again have another panic attack." This level of perfect expectations would often backfire.

If you believed that you could never have another panic attack, the elephant in the room (your mind) was the thought that you just might have one. This germ of an idea would eventually grow into a fatal prediction that you, indeed, would have one. As you now know, this prediction would then bring on the panic attack. Psychologists have a different goal today: we teach people how to get to the place where they don’t care if they have a panic attack or not. This new attitude is more reasonable. It is possible because once you have the tools, then any panic attack will be short lived and under your control. In other words, it will merely be an inconvenience, not a terrifying experience.

So what do you need to do to bring your panic attacks under control? The first is to learn to activate your brain’s parasympathetic nervous system. You can do this by learning, practicing and mastering three simple skills: Natural Breathing, Muscle Relaxation, Mind Calming.

First, learn how to breathe properly (see Monday, October 6, 2008 post). When you are panicking, your breathing is shallow, fast and continuous. Learn to belly breathe by pushing out your stomach as you inhale; pull your stomach back in when you exhale. Then slow your breathing down by continuing to inhale and exhale as you spell the word "relax" at the rate of one letter per second. Finally, pause (stop breathing) momentarily after you exhale and before you take the next breathe. I call this type of breathing, Natural Breathing. This name is appropriate because this is the way that babies breath when they are born.

You also want to get rid of all the muscle tension that accompanies panic attacks. Learn to relax about 15 different muscles in your body by tensing a muscle for about ten seconds and then quickly releasing the tension and observing it for another ten seconds before tensing another muscle. This entire exercise should take between fifteen and twenty minutes. Do this slowly and observe the difference in feeling between a tense muscle and a relaxed muscle. Sometimes, relaxing a group of muscles results in a warm or tingling sensation. This indicates you are relaxing the muscle properly. Traditionally, people start with relaxing their feet, legs, stomach, back, shoulders, neck, and facial areas.

When you are finished relaxing your entire body, you want to practice calming your mind. Think of a pleasant scene (most people pick a peaceful water scene) and try to experience this as much as you can. The trick is to deal effectively with a wondering mind. You can do this by merely coming back to your chosen scene every time your mind wanders. This is often discouraging to beginners because our mind is supposed to "wander." You want to train your mind to focus on one topic for an extended period of time. This may take several weeks or months to become effective. Don’t be disheartened if the learning is slow because you will eventually be proficient. You only need to stay with this scene for a few minutes each time you practice Mind Calming.

The major mistake most people make in learning these three skills is to expect these skills to work with only minimal practice. When I teach these skills to my clients, they must practice Natural Breathing five times every hour while awake until it becomes automatic and easy. This usually takes place within a few days. They are expected to practice Muscle Relaxation four times a day. Mind Calming needs to be practiced about eight times a day.

The other skill you need to develop for your Panic Attack toolbox is to learn how to switch from worry to concern. The skills above are designed to activate your relaxation response in your body. Eliminating worry eliminates the panic attack trigger. You can learn this skill by reading our blogs on worry (there will be more to come) for checking out our book, The Worry Free Life.

If you would like to leave a comment, click on the comments link below

For an index of all blogs, go to Blog Index

Is Worry Ever Justified

Is worry every justified? Many people would say yes because it is important to worry about important things that might go wrong. It is a way of preparing oneself to deal with adversity. Some people think that worry is necessary if you care about something or someone. To not worry is to not care.

A common misperception is to equate worry with concern. This is understandable because worry and concern have several things in common. They are both styles of thinking and perceiving. Both of them may take a lot of mental effort. Additionally, worry and concern can both focus on very important issues.

The similarity stops there. One of the first steps you can take to begin managing your thought life is to understand the vast difference between worry and concern. My position is that worry is never warranted and always misplaced and self-destructive. Worry is not only focused on the future, but can be related to the present and the past. Worry is often a mental habit. The habit may be so strong that a person may worry without even being aware that he or she is worrying.

Worry is destructive and unhealthy because it is a mental style of thinking that runs you in circles. It goes round and round and seems to go on forever. It’s like the gerbil in the caged wheel — a lot of effort but no forward movement. What really defines worry is the focusing on parts of life beyond your control. By worrying, you can find yourself in the strange predicament of trying to control things in life that you have no control over.

Concern, on the other hand, is more linear. It allows you to make forward movement in your life’s journey, It is often more deliberate and reflective. Concern can take you places that are unreachable by worry because you are able to make creative choices instead of retreading old ground.

For example, let’s say you have parked your car on the street in front your friend’s house at night. As the night begins to wear on, you begin to wonder if you locked your car because its visibility and availability is an invitation for thieves. If you were to worry about it, your joy of being with your friend would begin to ebb. It might even make you reluctant to go check your car because you might worry about looking like a fool in front of your friend. Concern would get you to take immediate action with very little pondering what others might think. You would still be able to enjoy the time with your friend.

Knowing the difference is merely the starting point. The goal here is not to stop worrying, Your mind has to continue to operate. You want to learn how to replace worry with concern. Making the switch from worry to concern is the hard part. We all know how difficult it is to change long-standing habits. In future posts we can begin to look at what this replacement process looks like.

Questions: Do think there really is a difference between worry and concern? What if you could replace worry with concern — what would your life be like? Do you believe that the work it would take to replace worry with concern would be worth the effort? Feel free to post your comments about this topic and its questions.
-------------------------------
Did You Know? Recently, scientists have discovered, by using neuroimaging of the brain, that when you think about God’s thoughts or when you think of your own thoughts, the same area in your brain gets activated?